Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Things That Make Me Unique
(got this idea from a friend's post..thanks Shanna). :)

♥I was blessed with the most peaceful, understanding daughter ever. I know
parents are biased, but she is seriously the Best.Daughter.Ever.

♥I am fiercely protective of my daughter. I would give the world for her
happiness, and I am not a happy camper when someone treats her poorly.

♥I love to read..although I don't do it as much as I would like lately. As a child, I would hide under a blanket with a flashlight - just so I could finish the book (this was after my parents had told me 'get to bed!')

♥I feel emotions strongly through songs. They can change my mood in an instant. A day does not go by where I don't listen to at least one song.

♥I have never felt 'normal' I have always felt emotions really strong,

and cannot let go of things easily. It makes the highs in my life really high, but it can make the downs really low. I love that I have compassion and feel so strongly, but like Monk said, "It is a blessing, and a curse."

♥I secretly yearn to write a book. I have literally sketched out ideas, but never put it together.

♥I am an extreme procrastinator. I seem to choose the easiest tasks first, and then leave the larger ones for last. This provides extra stress to me, which is why I am currently working on not doing this.

♥I have social anxiety really bad. Due to my anxiety, I am afraid of crowds or being stuck 'in the middle.' You will never find me in the 'middle' of anything..church rows, concerts, etc. I literally freak out in traffic jams, and will take a back road at times just to avoid rush hour. Most of my anxiety started after a bad car wreck in my teens.

♥I am horrible at calling anyone back. This has probably led people to think that I don't care or I am rude. But I do..I think about my friends all the time.

♥I used to be obsessed about being on the phone. I think I spent most of my teenage years on the phone with my friends. This was before cell phones, so I either had the cordless phone all over the house, or had the long chord wrapped around my fingers yapping away.

♥I believe this is why I no longer like the phone. I spent SO much on the phone as a teenager to my friends and boys, that I got it out of my system. I absolutely hate to talk on the phone and will find any reason to get out of it.

♥I still have a fondness for childhood items such as Strawberry Shortcake, Cabbage Patch Dolls, Holly Hobby, Care Bear, Smurfs..I could go on and on. :)

♥I grew up with an obsessed sports family (well, except mom), and although I don't watch sports on a regular basis, I will always enjoy a good football or basketball game.

♥I am a closet reality show lover..not the trashy ones on VH1 (wait..Celebrity Fit Club), but stuff like '16 and Pregnant,' 'True Life,' 'The Bachelor,' 'Survivor,' 'Amazing Race,' 'Big Brother,' etc. Yeah, I can't help it..they make me feel more normal.

♥I feel guilty for WAY longer than necessary. To this day, there are memories of things I have a hard time letting go..such as if I hurt a person, or if I did something wrong.

♥I believe in angels and have developed a stronger belief this year that they are truly here to help us.

♥I have a deep desire to have a large family, but know the reality is I will probably not get that due to my age.

♥I just realized I have a child that can drive in a little over a year? What?!?! Man. I got old pretty fast.

♥On that note, I believe the Lord is putting life on fast forward.

♥I love board/card games and playing them with friends.

♥I love, love, love rainy days. Is it weird that I am happier when there are gentle raindrops falling down than a sunny day?

♥I truly and deeply really care what others feel. While I may not show it or am outspoken, my heart feels for them in a deep way.

♥I am pretty much a dork in person, but can say anything on the Internet. I let my true, sarcastic self out Much more online. Facebook frees me..lol.

♥My hugest pet peeves have to do with noise: Someone talking with their mouth full, smacking lips while eating, tapping pencils during a test, talking during inappropriate times (don't get me started about the girls who wouldn't stop talking in the movie theatre, or the people making out during my daughter's play), It is like i can't turn down the volume in my ears..ha ha..shhh.

♥My daughter and I can talk to each other about anything..I am extremely grateful that she is not only my daughter, but my friend.

♥My favorite season is fall. Even though I have lived in Pleasant Grove for six years now, I still am overwhelmed at the site of the fall colors on the mountains. I tell my daughter everyday, 'look' 'awe' I feel really emotional when I see beauty in nature. I do, however, miss the red rocks and sand of Dixie. Is still have a bottle of the sand dunes dirt that Dixie College gave to us when we graduated that year.

♥I am clumsy - I seriously drop everything, spill when I eat, and even walk into walls. I think I am Superman's sidekick..only in a weird way. Instead of leaping tall building, I walk into walls. :)

♥I like when I can make people laugh. I can find almost ANYthing funny.

♥I still laugh about this event that happened about seven years ago: A sweet, older lady was saying a prayer in church and said, "Bless our farts..I mean hearts." To THIS day, I still cannot stop laughing over it. I feel kinda guilty (cause it is a prayer, ya know), but hearing muffled snickers throughout a quiet meeting makes me giggle like a five year old.

♥If I hear laughing (even in an inappropriate place such as a meeting), I will end up laughing. It makes for some awkward situations.

♥I really did not reach my highest potential in school, until I went back a few years ago for an elementary ed. degree. I thought dating and boys were more important the first time I went to college. It was a self-esteem boost to know how well I could actually do when I applied myself. :)

♥If I could go anywhere, it would be Australia or England.

♥Two of the people I look up to the most are my Grandma Barton (who I believe is one of my angels) and my mom. My mom does not realize how special and strong she is. Through it all, she has taken care of our family and held us together. She is not very comfortable in the spotlight, but I want people to know how awesome she is to me. :D

♥My favorite memory with my mom is doing ceramics. She is very creative, and painted the most amazing things. She also let my friends paint, and I would always give a unicorn or bear ceramic for my friends birthday parties. Also, hanging out with just her when the boys went deer hunting each October. It was good to spend time with just her while the boys had their fun. Good times.

♥My favorite memory with my dad is hanging out at ball fields or football games when he was referee-ing (is that a word??). We would hang out and goof around..and later, I would score keep for the games. I did, however, get really mad when people would yell at him for a bad call (i.e. "Do you need glass Ump?" "Horrible call", etc.). It would really bother me..lol.

♥As a child and teenager, I would never waiver from ordering the same thing. In fact, my friend Remey would always go to Sizzler with me and make fun of me for always ordering the Malibu Chicken. She would proud to know I now go to Panda Express, and order the Orange Chicken..ok, I still order the same thing, but hey..it is a different restaurant.

♥I love my FB friends. They make me laugh and smile each day.

Wow. I could go on and on. Good thing I called this Rushellie's Ramblings. :) I don't keep a journal well, and so it was fun to write some of this stuff down. Thanks for 'listening' ya'all.

Much Love ~ Rushellie


Friday, March 19, 2010

I LOVE being a mom to my Beautiful Daughter..she is sweet, kind, generous, and is always positive. She is a trooper, and I seriously..love.the.girl.

To ALL my friends who are supermoms..here's to you. :D


I do not open up to a lot of people about what I am going through. Sometimes I make jokes to hide the pain. Sometimes I have to resist the urge to scream when everything seems to be going wrong. I was hesitant about starting a blog on a 'sad' note, but I am tired of not being 'real.' A neighbor and I had a talk about it. We hide behind our 'I'm fines' and 'Life is great' and this year, for me..has not been. Through a lot of illness and the ponderings of many 'specialists' on how to fix things, I have struggled with emotions. What was something physical turned to mental, turned to I can't do it..
BUT..then, at my deepest, darkest moment, I finally realized my soul can be unstoppable. Me, myself..I am the only one who can change my way of thinking. I can Stop worrying what others think of me, stop wondering why I am such a nerd, stop thinking the others hold the answers to my true happiness.

I figured I was a really stubborn soul in Heaven..so I thought, maybe I can turn this stubborness into something positive. Am I where I want to be? Not. At. All. Can I start letting go and letting God? Yes. I do not know exactly how. I do know if I never get better or if I have to continue alone, I will. I truly believe my soul is unstoppable and can figure this out. I met two wonderful people that I would have never met if not for the trials this year. For the first time, I see a new way. Not 'the way everyone else does it'..the way that is right for me. There is still a tinge of embarrassment in sending this out..who will read it, who will judge it, who will wonder why she is being negative about her life..but my soul knows I am simply being true, and those that love me for me, will truly love me and follow me on this journey of healing (I said follow, not stalk Cindy). ;0)

Overall, I hope to make people feel inspired and laugh. I do not want my posts to be all serious, because that is not me. But I wanted to get this out of the way. I love to feel inspired by photos and music, so I hope to share that with you. Whatever you are going through..whether it be big or small..please remember, You. Are. Unstoppable.

Love, Rach-ellie.

Now, on to the fun..:D
Ok, I have officially entered the 21st century and decided to create a blog. I have not been a huge blog reader, but I have read some lately which have inspired me to create one. Some are funny, some are sad, some are motivational. What I have found is people talk about many things. I just figured since I didn't have a large family, there was not a lot to talk about. It would have been so fun to have blogging when my daughter was growing up in infancy and toddler years. But I have to get my old school photos scanned in and my memory intact, and I haven't taken the time.
I have realized I have so much to say, but I always seem to be afraid to get out there and say or do it. The past year has been a difficult one, but through it, I have met some people that have helped me change my way of thinking. While I am nowhere near where I want to be, I am taking those steps to get there. I want this to be sort of a journal, so to speak..a way to express the ways both my daughter and I are learning and changing. We may not be the traditional family, but we are a family. We laugh together, we cry together, we find ways to motivate and instill hope and faith in each other.
Hold onto your horses..Let's get ready to Rammmmmmmbllllee!! :D